Love of my life

Rokiah Binti Hamdan (1962-2005)

A great woman in my life is none other than my mother. Here's a story about my mum. She's beautiful, indeed. Born on 28th of August 1962, third among 4 siblings. I miss you mum.

Year 2004, you were infected with some unknown disease. Well, the doctor diagnosed you and found out that you were infected with SLE. That time, I really didn't know what would happen to us all. I thought it's just a common disease. In fact, you are getting better. Until you were diagnosed for kidney failure. That really struck me down morally. You are getting your regular dialysis at Normah Medical Centre, until that happened.

That night, I still recall dad told me to wake up and help him to get you to hospital. You were weak and barely conscious. We were rushing to the car, while dad carried you on his back. That time I was so afraid. The doctor said you are in coma. I'm lost.

Each day, I was hoping for you to wake up. Everyday after school, dad brought us to visit you. We were lucky to have relatives that do care about us. I'm thankful for their concern. Even Shahid's mum also there to take care of you. Someone that I never thought of being there for us. But she proved me wrong. I'm thankful of her being there for us. Shahid's family has been very good to us. I'll never forget this.

A month has passed since you were in coma. We received news for Nek Hussein passed away. My instincts told me that your time will soon come. Why do I have such thought ? I'm sorry. But, indeed it's true.

That evening I was with Iqbal and Shahid, doing our works for the PMR assignments. Not even a single thing crossed my mind that today was the last day for us. Friday, 5th of May 2005. Indeed it is Allah's will for me to know it. Usu Rayah was there to visit us while dad went to check on you.

And that very moment, I got a call from daddy. He told us that you have passed away. I don't want to believe it. Yes, I didn't cry because I thought he was lying to us. It's like dream, a nightmare. We went to the hospital, and there I saw you. You were smiling. I cried. I wish that moment never came to my life. But it did. You left us to answer His Almighty calling. He loves you more than us. I was morally down. I can't think of anything. The next day, I was there at the burial. I buried you with my own hands. I don't know, but I can't help it to cry down to my knees. I was speechless. Shahid, his dad and Iqbal went to visit us. They tried to comfort me. I knew no matter hard they tried, I kept on crying.

I still remember the night u fainted. I helped dad to carry you to the hospital. I was lazy in my study. I still remember your last words to me. Get a job, get a car, get a house and send you and dad for Haji, and then you can get married. Those words are your pray for me. For my life. I will hold on to that promise. What saddened me more is that during the burial, dad didn't have the chance to see you for the last time. I'm just a kid. I just listened to the elders and they said hurry up with the burial. How could they ??? At least wait until dad arrives. I blamed myself for not telling them to wait for dad. I'm sorry.

I knew that since then, I have to be strong for my brothers. For my dad. I would never leave his side. I won't. Dad was morally down. I never saw him in such condition. He really loved you. We were redha for your farewell.

Perhaps Allah wish to show us who is family, who is none. During the tahlil, I realized, our own relatives are taking advantage of us. Of your death. How could they ??? They were like celebrating your death. Astafirullahulazim. I'm just a kid to voice out such words. For 3 months, I can't focus on my study. I was lost. PMR was just around the corner that time. How can I focus if my mind is not there for learning. I love you mum. Allah showed to us the hypocrisy of the relatives. They outcast us, our family. I felt like we don't belong to them anymore. Things are way different since mum passed away.

That is the very reason my dad told me to go for RMC. I've got the chance to move on and get better life. Dad said, it is not running away. That is Hijrah. He said, there is nothing for me to wait here in Kuching. Just go for it and I did. It's what you want when I was in Form 1.

Now, we didn't contact our relatives from your side. They totally abandon us. Even Usu, she slowly brought up all the past deeds. That hurts. Clearly Allah showed us the real face of the family. Their real attitude. We were like being chased out from our own home. The very home the 4 of us grew up. Life is hard. But I will overcome it.

I missed you mum. How I wish things are differently now. I was sad when I saw the changes in the family. Even Usu tried to separate us. She once voiced out to take care of Amiran. But dad totally against it. I'm lucky dad was around. We do not want to be separated. We wish to grow up together as brothers. No more accepting deeds from other people. We're all lucky to have Mummy Enah. She reminds me of you. She took care of us. She really did. I love her as my mum. The same as I love you. I won't disappoint her. That is my promise to dad and myself. She helped us a lot.

I have promised to myself to take care of our family. I will lead my brothers. We all going to be successful person. From what I have seen, Usu has been very jealous of us. She even told us that we have forgotten her deeds to us. Crystal clear that is not sincere. We never forget. It's just we have all grown up and busy with our study. She seems to moving away from us slowly. She even disrespect dad. I didn't hate her but I hope she realized that not all she was right about everything.

How would you feel when someone closes to you, telling bad thing about your dad ??? Well, that is what I'm up against now. I'll prove them wrong. I'll prove her wrong. Just because she has wealth and high position, she expects us to bow down. Never !

If we want respect, we have to respect others first. Not by demanding it. 6 years has passed and she slowly shows her arrogant to us. It doesn't matter. Dad is a visionary. He planned us all to be in the same field. So that we would not left out each other. I will make his dreams come true. To ensure the name Arsyan will be known to all. A symbol for hope.

It's hard to accept the fact being abandon by the family and our relatives. Insyaallah, we will make our own league. The Al-Arsyan Family.

You taught us to recite Al-Quran, your reminded us of Solat and you told us to achieve success. All of that is still inside me. I won't turn my back on you.

The truth is, I missed you. Not a single day passed by without reminiscing that days. Each day, the moments of you passing away were still fresh in my mind. I barely remember dad's face when you passed away. Even the little Amiran understand it even though he was 6 that time. I still recall he said you went to see Allah. I'll take care of our new family. Thank you mum ! 

Bicara tentang Mati

Terlalu ramai sahabat di sekelilingku berbicara tentang mati. Tidak semudah itu kita mati. Dan tidak semudah itu kita menghadapi kematian seseorang. Mati itu lumrah manusia, namun ajal maut bukan kita tentukan. Aku telah menghadapi kematian orang yang aku amat sayangi, aku telah menghadapi kematian insan bergelar sahabat dan aku telah menghadapi saat sulit mengebumikan orang yang paling ku sayangi.

Sungguh perit dan hiba rasa di hati, namun itulah tanggungjawab sebagai seorang muslim. Tanggungjawab sebagai seorang anak, dan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang sahabat.

Biarlah ku mulakan bicara tentang mati. Sahabatku, Ahmad Nur Dinnie Bin Mohd Yunus. Kenalanku, rakanku dan paling penting saudara seangkatan denganku. Allaryarham meninggal dunia ketika menjalani latihan water confidence semasa menuntut di tahun satu (1) di KTU. Seorang periang dan sentiasa menolong kawan-kawannya. Namun, dia meninggal kerana lemas. Dia meninggal semasa aku menjalani latihan kem tahunanku. Aku hanya menyedari berita pemergiannya seminggu selepas aku tamat latihan. Sungguh hiba apabila menjadi orang terakhir mengetahui pemergiannya kepada Ilahi. Tak mampu ku ucap dengan kata-kata tetapi aku redha dia pergi menyahut seruan Ilahi. Hati ini tidak tenang kerana sahabat ku anggap sebagai saudara seangkatanku telah tiada. Tiada lagi senyum dan gurau senda. Aku terkenang semasa menuntut di MTD dahulu. Dia sering kali singgah untuk melawat kelas aku. Dia banyak menolongku. Biar umurnya muda setahun namun dia lebih berpengalaman dariku. 

Bicara tentang mati membuka mataku bahawa dunia ini luas dan penuh dengan dugaan dari-Nya.

Once a scout, always a scout

The World Scout Emblem

The Malaysia Scout Emblem

In his original book on scouting, Baden Powell introduced the Scout Promise, as follows:

"Before he becomes a scout, a boy must take the oath, thus:

On my honour, I promise that ...

1. I will do my duty to God and the King
2. I will do my best to help others, whatever it costs me
3. I know the scout law, and will obey it

The Malaysian 10 Scout Law:

1. A Scout is to be trusted and has self dignity.
2. A Scout is loyal towards the King and other Rajas, towards the Scout Masters, parents, employers and those below him.
3. A Scout is to make himself useful and helpful at all times.
4. A Scout is a friend to scouts around the world and the people around him/her.
5. A Scout is good and kind and will always do good.
6. A Scout is good and kind to animals.
7. A Scout always follow his parents' and Scout Masters' orders without question.
8. A Scout is always patient and smiles during difficulties.
9. A Scout is thrifty.
10. A Scout is pure of thought, word and action.

The Malaysian Scout Promise:

On my honour I promise that I will do my best,
to do my duty to God, King and country
to help others at all times
to obey the Scout laws

I was introduced to the world of scout movement by Sudaryo Hj Osman. The King-Scout achiever of the Thomian himself. I learned a lot in scouts. Yes, I'm a naive boy when I was 12. Signed up for the scouts changed me. After all, I was in the 1st Kuching Scout Group, the legendary scout movement in Sarawak. The best of all in Kuching !!!

I still remember I took the oath as a scout. An oath to be a scout forever. To obey the scout laws. To uphold the scout promise. Yes, I was led by Mohd Samat, Ahmad Iskandar, Bryan Ng, Paul Dylan, Garrick Yeo, and Vestly. They are my seniors. They taught me well, expecially Sudaryo & Vestly. The other seniors, well, they became my trusted friends till now.

For my batch, I got Samuel (the big head), Ian, Reuben, Jerome, Chai, Saiful, Farid, Samuel Hoh, Nackulen, and others (can't remember). Well, we became good friends until now. However, I've lost contact with all of them. Yeah, everyone's have grown up and took their own paths. These are my squad in scout. The very first squad I knew in my life before I joined the military.

Actually, scouts and soldiers are not so much different. They are the same as the founding father Baden Powell is an officer in the military. The different is that scout does not carry guns and rifles. He applied the army life in scouts with few adaptations for boys. Fun with knowledge.

The foot drill, the camping, the expedition, the cooking, the knots, all I had the first hands-on experiences with scouts. I love it. The starting point of my life. The mix of multiracial in scouting taught me well to respect others. I first learned to lead when I was in the scout. That time, I was nervous and still learning. I never be a leader before. I prefer to be a follower. But, as my scout masters said, you won't know your own potential if you never try it. So, I give myself a try, and until now, I'm still improving my leadership skills. I want to lead people. I wish to be a good scout by lead with good examples and deeds.

The oath that I took 8 years ago still have not change. I wish to help others in my own way. I would never let people down. That's my promise. A promise that I shall live up to.

This is the Boys Scout !!!

Once a Scout, always a Scout !

I grew up as a Thomian

Higher and yet higher ... Shall our aim ever be. The chorus of the St. Thomas' School song. Yes, i had grown up now. But, we shall never have forgotten how we have come this far. I started my days a student in the very ground of St. Thomas' Primary School. That time I resided at Kpg Boyan, just across the Sarawak River. I started to make friends here. The best part of it, I met my best friend.

I still recall my times at the primary school. Yeah, I was among the top 3 for almost every time when the results come out. I missed that time. Yup, people are scared of me. First always goes to Jay, second was Jacob and third was me. Those days ... I won't forget every second of it. I was the first to set the legacy there. Then the name Arsyan is brought up again and again by my brothers, Amirul, Amirel and currently Amiran.

The Arsyan brothers. A new legacy. A new era. A symbol of hope.

St. Thomas' School used to be a missionary school for the catholic. However, it was change during the independence and the formation of Malaysia. It's an all-boys school, with addition of girls in the 6th Formers recently. Yet, it is still the third oldest school in Malaysia and the oldest in Sarawak. The school had experienced its golden age where most of the Sarawakian leaders, be it in politics, business and the civil service. The school produce the best product of local leaders

I still remember, running around the school compound during recess, eat packed food from home, talked about cartoons etc. It was so simple back then. Even I still remember watching Robocop movies on saturday night. Play power rangers action figures, Luke Skywalker and most of all play computer games with Windows 95 OS. Damn, that's old school.

When I enter the secondary school, it still doesn't change a bit. The boys are still talking about WWE Raw & Smackdown. And every monday, during class, we talked about the WWE pay-per-view event that showed once a month. Especially the Wrestlemania and Royal Rumble. The most anticipated event of the year. That is the 1990 born Thomians. 

Grew up as a Thomian was never complete if you didn't join its scout movement. I still remember that time. Form 3 students were conducting promotions for the new juniors. Wow !!!

I was so excited. What is a scout, what do they do, how they look like and etc. And yeah, I signed up and was given a patrol to lead when I was in Form 2 & Form 3.

I spent my times as a Thomian since 1997 up to February 2006. The great legacy of a Thomian did run inside me.

1848

2007

The premier school award

The scout movement current bulletin board

The scout bulletin board

I used to wait up here before the afternoon session class

It used to be bushes here

The newly renovated Bahasa Melayu room

It used to have a Scout Dent back here

The haunted place in St. Thomas Secondary School

Former site of the 1st Kuching Scout Group's Scout Dent

I used to camp here with my friends

The school field

The tennis court

A school in the garden. The best school award winner in 2005

The assembly hall

My Thomian precious memories:

Primary 1 (3rd place)

Primary 5 (3rd place)

Primary 3 (3rd place)

2005 debate plaque

Top 10 Student Award, 2003

PMR 2005 (6A, 2B)

UPSR 2002 (4A, 1 B)

Actually, there were more of it. I misplaced my medals for track events. I'll look into it later. :)

I missed those days ...

Indeed, I grew up as a Thomian for most of my schooling years. That 9 years memories would never be the same as it is back then. A Thomian shall aim higher as the school motto implied.

Aim Higher !